Saturday, January 10, 2015

Thank You 2014, Look Forward to 2015!

First week of January has been treating me fine. Life has provided me with a lot of blessings and abundance of love as well as burdens and sadness so I won't complain and grumble. Whenever I feel sad and almost give up I will remember that : I am still alive. I still have hope and faith. I am blessed with imperfections which made me closer to the Infinity. So, I am still grateful for the life and love.

I will follow the mainstream way to greet the new year with the last year's contemplation and resolution for new year. 2014 is the year of struggle, routines, surprise, adjustment. I am writing while recollecting the memories of 2014. I had a vivid picture of new year's celebration of 2014. I had no resolution at that time. 2014 went so swift.  It consisted of  hellos, goodbyes, routines, tears, laughter, love and struggles. I had no time for contemplating through this blog since early until mid year of 2014. I am busy with work and study while enjoying some fun activities to keep in balance.

Working : I spent most my time at the office. The transition and adjustment not only exhausted us but also forced us to fit in quite often. I remembered there were many dramas, tears, and political hassle internally. The positive side: the bond among the team indeed grew stronger. We never failed to support each other in the time of crisis. Yes, I mentioned that term ( 'times of crisis') many times:. Sometimes, things got so illogical and irrational and we had to pass the time of crisis, whether successfully or unsuccessfully.

The keywords for 2014 beside time of crisis are criminalizing the heroes, 'oppression', the iron of bureaucracy and violation of human right. Hoho, does that sounds so scary? I might be a bit exaggerate the situation. However, it indeed really happened as a consequence of the shifting of political regime. As a worker, we can not really fix the situation. Once, I wanted to apply one method taught in my political class. The method to respond the ongoing 'violation' which is disobedience. Hehe, but that did not really work. Because when we disobey the command or policy the effect will get worse.

There is always rainbow after hurricane and the storm will always pass. In each situation that can be a mantra. Glad and proud enough we are a solid and supportive team. I would not forget there was time when we were all sick, because of unhealthy working environment, work overload, and vertical pressure. It felt very uneasy. We were so tired and weary. Time ticked so fast, from morning until late noon we could just did work for others, for pleasuring the Big Boss. One time, I got a high fever in between that time of crisis. I won't forget that and was thankful for people taking care of me at my worst.

We can easily remember the bad times yet we also have to value the good times. I had good relationship with my colleagues and bosses. Personally and professionally, I almost had no problems with them. The stories mentioned above are only my critics toward the transformation I could not really accept. At the end of the year, I was offered the promotion and many 'services lips' in terms of incentives and improvement. However, I firmly decided I would resign for good. I already discussed with my parents and they support my decision. The main reason I wrote on my resignation letter were family concern and focus on finishing my Master studies.

The goodbye, just like any other good bye is not easy, Yet, I already decided!

Study: I can not really say much about it. I missed many classes due to office duty, therefore I did not follow the lessons well. The teacher also gave me some made-up test and assignments, which was good. And finally time for thesis. Thesis was really challenging. The first challenge is for the supervisor. I always compared with my previous supervisor in my bachelor degree and it just made me sad. So I never compared again. They were just different and I had to know the characteristic. I worked hard to steal her heart and I think I did it. She was so helpful and cooperative as a person. Yet, she never really supervised me substantially. Whenever we met we had a good discussion but only superficial things. The second challenges is about the topic itself. So a lesson learned is be smart with your topics. And better you chose topic that interest or attract you so you will have energy and spirit to mingle and dated with them.

Personal: In the beginning of the year, I gained weights a lot. It was the record that I hit that number. It happened when I only sit in front of laptop and finish my work. At work, I sat hours and hours, after-work I also sat hours and also consumed unhealthy snack a lot.  I had to catch up with my left-behind works at class so I stayed up late and food was my friend. After realizing that, I committed to have a better and healthy life style. I exercised and arranged my food portion and time. I jogged almost everyday at the morning before works. At weekend I tried another jogging tracks so that I never bored with the situation. I bought smaller plates, I cooked my own food, a lot of vegies and fruits, and skipped a big portion of dinner. Never forget: I download many Zumba series to exercise and produce sweat. Those life style just made me happy. I had supportive friends who accompany me to set the target. Although I did not reach my ideal weight, I was happy that I lost 2-3 kg for a month. It needs willingness and consistency to continue that healthy life style. I stopped already after knowing the result.

God's plan really surprised me. New people, new life-choice, new decision, new family, new life-rhythm will always create new stories. Stories that sometime when you have been trying to understand you will conclude that's the destiny, that's your fate. I am not the kind of frontal people who can describe personal stories or feelings clearly or directly. I liked to use much metaphors or explaining so abstract, especially for romance or love-affairs. So, I am trying to be honest with the feelings. Long story short, I have made big and serious decision in 2014.  I am happy and excited to welcome the new chapter in 2015. I know it will be hard and challenging as well, but when the right time is coming, I am ready to accept the challenges.

[To be continued]