Before Getting Involved, Know Yourself First and then, Break Your Limits!
I committed to jump in ‘Candradimuka crater’ once again, in a different place with a different motivation and circumstances. But it really recalled my old memory, three years ago when I heated up on this kind of battlefield. The differences, I was almost three years older now and there were some technical yet unessential distinctions to note. Instead of all I experienced and learned, I felt overwhelm, blank and rich at the same time. Blank and weightless were just like ‘de ja vu’, an exact feeling as I finished the last personal-interview section three years ago. Rich was due to all insights, mind-recharging, inspirations, and friendship I got during the two days quarantine. But then, these two feelings exhausted me for a while until I consciously opened my eyes on the next day. Then, I felt grateful and decided to give a huge smile because the sun still intently warmed my skin and my heart. I still smiled because I had nothing to hide; nothing to complain, and wouldn’t grumble on the back. And they were wrong if think so.
I heard quite often a wise word, ‘experience is the best teacher’. On this case, not for me, I really had no idea what ‘the teacher’ already taught me. Yeah, that’s a fool of me. The worst part is I couldn’t mention at least one of benefits I gained from my previous experience. In fact, it’s plenty after I reflected again lately. And I think it’s really pathetic that I couldn’t come up with such a sincere yet solemn answer. I didn’t know why, but I knew the problem is on me, and attached on my limits need to be founded, my self-identity, and my persona. After all, I still question myself, “DO I NEED TO CHANGE? In what extent?” And I actually got some answers. Therefore, the decision needs to be made. Just like what Mba’ Atri said to me “it’s all up to you whether you want to apply the other colors or not, whether you want to use what you have already absorbed or not,” Processing the Metamorphose
I started the struggle with a high hope to win the battle and strengthen my wings. I began a day before D-day with such a disappointed and bad feeling. First, it’s out of our control when the weather turned dark and ‘angry’. Second, we already did our best and anticipated the lateness by saving a couple hours on ‘our pocket’, but then man only made a plan, and the rest depended on X factors, including others and stuffs. Finally, God is the only One who disposed. Third, I couldn’t accept any unrealistic reasons and consequences to teach others about the meaning of punctuality. Then, I concluded that it would be such kind of militaristic way to discipline people. What I agreed then is that we couldn’t blame and scapegoat-ing others from our own-mistake. So, a mature people would be fully responsible of what they have done. And at the end, I appreciated the win-win solution offered by the committee.
At first, I felt calm and excited to experience what is like to be on the quarantine. There were three things that made me glad and never regret: First, I invented new friendship and new family in my home-province. It’s always delightful to made new friends who can enrich our horizon and life itself. I felt very affluent when looked upon them, both the participants and the committee. It’s like seeing mirror and rainbow. I liked mirror-ing myself when I saw the reflections of me from their role and character. And, I was surprised yet proud when they showed me the beauty of ‘rainbow’. And once again, it enriched me and effortlessly opened my eyes to the power of process itself.
Second, it’s a worth-chance to know my beloved province, East Java, better. Since I am almost four years studying in Yogyakarya, below my self-consciousness, I have often admitted that my knowledge and understanding about Jogja is much better than my own-province, including the people and the place. But, don’t ever doubt on my pride and my sense of belonging to East-Java. No need to question on those. East Java is very unique and distinctive. Despite the geographical and cultural mixture, it ranges widely from west to east, from north coastal to south coastal, from the land to the sea, and others. The dialect and daily conversation is also different from one region to another.
My small-observation met the answer when I saw, listened, and interacted with the 24 youth potential. I enjoyed a lot when we talked and joke around with Boso Jowo. In my daily basis, either in Blitar or Jogja, I used to speak kromo with my parents, and also elder people. But in my peer environment, I accustomed to speaking Bahasa Indonesia to make other friends who mostly came from another background and culture understands the idea of or conversation. In Surabaya on the last three days, I really enjoyed the privilege of speaking with my mother-tongue language, Boso Jowo. And it’s interesting to identify the use of different particles in conversation, such as …ta? Rek,
After all, some committee judged me that I am more Jogjanese than East Javanese or Blitarnese? What a surprised! I myself hadn’t asked the reasons yet. I assumed one of their pre-assumptions was on the matter of straightforwardness, and also in line with my nature. But it happened quite a lot thou when many friends often thought that I am originally from Jogja or Solo or Central Java. And only a few believed that I am from East Java. Is this a part of people justification and stereotype towards others? So, please mind your thought!
Before I started mumbling around, I would conclude the last thing that made me glad during the process. It is the breeze of competition. Lately, I have been hectic inside my own-shell which is my environment and my activities, such as my undergraduate –thesis and heap of works in the office. These two things grabbed most my attention and time until I forgot to update the news and upgrade myself. It’s my comfort zone that satisfies my recent-priority and future target. So, what wrong? I guess, the reason is when we feel enough and satisfied, we easily forget that we need to perpetually improve ourselves, and look beyond our shell to find out what’s more than ‘meet on the eyes.’
The competition made me aware that my I had to keep progressing and processing my self. It’s not only about my accomplishment and satisfaction I reached, but what we have given and what we have contributed, for the sake of betterment not only for me, but also my surrounding. Creating a small step to generate the massive awareness is also essential to advance the nation.
‘Diaspora is only an ice-berg’
From the moment on, I won’t forget the relation between DIASPORA and DISPORA. It made me realize that I really need a brain supplement and an outrageous therapy. That’s really true^^. And too bad, I just realized it. On my turn of sudden speech, I had twice chances to pick the topic. My first pick is Joko Tingkir. Oh Gosh, I was not really sure what the legend is about. My brain kept telling me about Rara Anteng and Joko Seger which I knew was the absolute wrong. So, with Bismillah I picked another one. And tarrraaa, I got DIASPORA. Ohhhh damn! It sounded very familiar, but I totally blank, forgot, and ‘messed up’ as if my brain cells ruined my memory and logical thinking. So the result, I stiffed powerlessly and spoke in a silent voice. At that time, I felt like flying after consuming drugs until I finished answering series questions related to the topic.
I disappointed myself, because two things. First I lost my voice on the sudden speech matters. I am late to realize that it's not only about the topic but how we should formulate a speech in certain time with our creativity, spontaneous yet fast-thinking and just be confident to keep talking. Second, I embarrassed many labels tagged in me, especially the department and university I belong to. I should have become an expert of this topic but the fact is the contrary. So, the outrageous therapy needs to be made at the earliest convenience. The DIASPORA precedent is only an ice-berg phenomenon about finding my limitations. And I couldn't agree more with Mas Yesaya who said that we should have in-depth understanding towards the knowledge or issues, as a whole, not only from its skin.
The continuous lesson learned filled in each session. For me, it's not only about liberating myself from my comfort zone, but also about honestly finding and admitting my limits. Hence, I should learn as follows: to think and learn fast, focus on what in front of us, rehearse to memorizing the others name properly, learn history and culture of Indonesia and East Java, and be brave and confident of our capacity. Because after we have discovered the limits, we would be able to take a small step to cross our boundaries. It's indeed not comfortable at first. But then, we would realize how an exceptional experience we passed through.
New Family Made
These two days in quarantine meant a lot to me. The time went slowly but turned out productively and unforgettably. We shared many moments together, from ‘yell-yell’, talent show, city exploration, group dynamic, and many other moments to remember. From the cheerful encouragement until the heart-sport of high tense session, that bonded us as one family, in the name of hope and dream. I was so proud and glad to be one of them. They are mostly younger than me, but who knows that they are more passionate, enthusiastic, braver, and have potential inner-self and talent that will grow and glow brightly in the future.
After all, I would like to extend my sincere gratitude and big 'standing-applause' to the whole committee who succeed to spread a positive spirit to us. Each of them has inspired me in various possible ways that at the end, will lead me to follow my dreams. And for all the readers, please keep in mind that before getting involved, know yourself first, then, break your limits to discover a brand-new you who are awesome and unbeatable!
Keep positive and keep smiling :)
Best regards,
Kiki Fauzia
