Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Midnight Mumbling

Midnight now. Just woke up from my short-nap, after had a terrible headache. This time of the day, I supposed to surrender with all my heart and soul to whom I belong to. But the hardest thing is I almost lost my spirit and fidelity in what I believe as my ideal virtue. Hence, I always need the magnitude of a force, can be from anyone or anything, that able to grasp me spiritually and emotionally. Then, I should find my best rhythm, and create beautiful rhymes.

I felt grateful that things got done today. I was happy that I still could laugh cheerfully and joked my silly antics with friends of mine. My best accomplishment then is when they smiled and laughed happily. The existence of happiness in every one's heart is the best medicine to cure all the sickness in my heart. Worrisome and dissatisfaction are the enemy of happiness, that gnaw my inside-peace.

Never expect that all people are able to know and understand us well. Perception and justification are scattered around us. Sometimes, I felt bothered in the matter of those thinking. But I also realized that sometimes, I didn't understand people as well. Many times I also had a hard time to understand others ways of thinking. Because people are so unique compared one to others. Because people had different minds, characteristics, priority, motivation, and intention. Therefore, communication and discussion are very important stage of human's behavior. And, I am still learning to improve my interpersonal and communication skills.

I started today with the optimism to handle my responsibility. Responsibility taught me a lot of things, and we have been friends for years. But I consider myself as a bad friend thou. Responsibility also meets me with various great friends. One great friend of mine this morning asked me, "Kiki, what excited you?" That surprised me a lot. A simple yet meaningful question I never though about. Then, I tried to answer it by mentioning few things that excited me. At that time I answered, "seeing good friends, traveling, holidays, an insightful lecture, good grades, watching great movies, and many other things I called as accomplishment. " A shallow answer, but in my daily basis those are exciting enough for boosting my spirit.

My friend responded it effortlessly, "I wish I could think as simple as yours". Then I found out that what bothered her the most is 'relationship/companionship' thingy. I really understand what made her mood so bad today, and why she thought that life isn't getting so exciting anymore. After listening her stories, I realized that each one has their own priority and an ideal virtue. Then, I tried to reflect on my side.

When life has been so flat and not exciting anymore, I think I need 'a charge and a change'. A charge could be understood as (re)charging our spirits and motivations. We need to not only recharge, but also burn out our spirits and motivations. There are many things that successfully increased my spirit and motivations. For me just simple as what I already mentioned above. Beside that, a change is definitely needed when we had no improvement and betterment in our recent life or career, especially when we have potentials and capacity to grow.

What I feel I need right now is a spiritual (re)charge and a better chance for a change. Bismillah, God, I need Your Light and I want to be the light for others too. Please kindly lead my way for betterment for myself and others.


Kiki Fauzia

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