Devils--Overrated

These two days I heard and experienced quite often the phrase "The devils is in the details". Yeah, the small things could carry a huge impact as a whole, and we should start paying attention more on those details. It will be very challenging and tricky. So, don't underestimate those that might be considered as a small or invisible. It sometimes is very significance element.

Talking about devils. I was very concerned about my chaotic heart. Yeah, there are things that might be very difficult to accept, things that we can't understand, things that doesn't fit with our understanding, things that hard to believe, things that shock, sadden, and disappoint us, but believe me that you should forgive yourself and others, if the condition happens. Why? because as long as we didn't do bad for others, and stay in the right line, nothing can really matters. All the condition doesn't remain eternal, only permanent. It could be very conditional and very personal. So, try to do your best to maintain your chaotic-heart.

Regarding my previous entry about appreciate listening, today I also examined the skill, and it is not easy. Most times listening patiently required the similar interest and the understanding that other people needs to be respected. If you don't have those two, you may still be able to pretend like you do, but it will be difficult, and you will surely lose the essence of existence. The situation today also taught me that you can't merely value person from their resume or CV, you gotta meet him/her, have an eye-contact, exchange words, and let the person show off what he/she's always being proud off.

Today, I am thankful that I am still healthy. God, I need You to be nearer. I hope I will reach You back as soon as possible.

Apreciate Listening

Appreciation.
Early this morning before starting the day, I read an inspiring article about "appreciation". It gave me spirit to start act that way. The article suggested that appreciation is a key to make our life more enjoyable and passionate. So by do appreciate things in our life we can produce an ultimate spirit, and increase our engagement into different things in life. How powerful it is! But how was it? Is that easy? As the day goes by, the answer is not as easy as I thought would be.

So, did I appreciate my day, people I meet, my work I have done today?
Woahhh, that would be such a reflective question. But, yeah, that's not as easy as I thought. To appreciate people or thing genuinely, we have to acknowledge and reduce the what is called selfishness, egoism, stubbornness, and many negative thoughts that might come across our mind.

What I learned today is about aspect of appreciation which are to be patient and listen more. Please, let other finished their sentences first and have more time for us to listen. Yeah, listen them patiently! Don't interrupt if they are not done yet! Your patience will be worth. Appreciation to people can be done by listening them patiently. Yeah, I am still learning, and it will be worth-learning.

Let's listen others more,

Kiki

Scavanger Hunt

What I feel now...

I miss me time, a private time, only me with Mr. S.
I miss my host family...
I miss my miles away host town..
I miss my foreign old friends..
I miss the excitement of learning new culture...
I miss the adjustment cycle...
I miss the jet-lag feeling..
I miss being a stranger in a new place...

Hey come on myself, why not enjoying each moment I have now, feeling it deeply, because at some other times I probably will miss it..

Manusia, ooh manusia

Manusia itu aneh, tapi nyata..
Manusia, oh manusia..
Seringkali tak habis pikir dibuatnya..

Hari ini seharusnya menjadi hari yang luar biasa. Perpaduan antara hari Jumat yang penuh berkah dan Hari Kebangkitan Nasional yang penuh semangat menggelora. Tapi hari ini, ada beberapa kejadian yang membuat saya terheran-heran oleh ulah manusia..

Pertama, ada beberapa anak manusia yang terikat dalam kehormatan suatu instutusi, tetapi belum cukup dewasa untuk memahami makna interaksi profesionalisme, dan kewajiban moral sebagai pemegang tanggung jawab.

Kedua, ada beberapa oknum anak manusia kehilangan rasa percaya, apatis, dan sinis terhadap anak manusia lain yang dianggap kurang bisa menempatkan dirinya.

Ketiga, aneh. seorang penguasa tiba-tiba menemukan suatu fakta. mencium sendiri bau busuk, entah bagaimana bisa dan dari mana hidungnya terbuka.

Keempat, ada anak manusia yang selalu merasa berkuasa. selalu memimpin dan selalu ingin menang. baginya, rasa empati memang perlu di asah lagi.

Kelima, manusia-manusia ini selalu mencari kesempatan egosentris untuk kemenangan diri.

Kelima, anak manusia yang seringkali lupa diri 'menjatuhkan' manusia lain dengan halus dan agar diiyakan, tetapi lupa mawas diri bahwa bisa jadi manusia lain itu membuat dirinya jatuh.

Manusia-manusia yang dipersatukan karena kemampuan dan kecemerlangan. serta, kesenjangan antara pendapatan dan kepuasan ekonomi. dan bagi mereka, keringat-keringat yang telah menetes itu mahal harganya.

Namanya juga manusia, tempatnya salah dan lupa.

Bisakah kita mengharapkan maklum, dan terima adanya?

Rain Hard, (my) Heart Rained

picture credit : this site

Today Wrapped Up

I have changed my blog-looks again. At first I just wanted to make a new header. I thought it would be nice if I put my pic on it. But, I didn't know why finally I ended up by choosing the one above. I realized that I got bored easily with the template and color of my blog, so you might notice that I changed it quite often.

In these couple days, Jogja rained regularly. Usually it started from afternoon until evening. Hours by hours, so that often bothered my routines. I was trapped at the library today, for almost three hours. Even I couldn't run into the next building, which is Rectorat. I didn't bring umbrella or jacket, so I am afraid that my belongings, especially my laptop would get wet. So, I just stayed inside the building while reading a bunch of journals and waiting for the rain to stopped. But it seemed like a never ending rain, ever harder. So, I decided to run into parking lot, and head to my kost. It was around 4 o'clock, and yeah I got a little wet, but my laptop are safe. Thanks God, I brought a raincoat today.

Tomorrow is Holiday
I began today with full of spirit. I had many checklist for my 'must-do' today. Most of them were related to work-duty and emailing stuffs. I also have read few pages of journal at the library. I think, I could concentrate more if working in a new and peaceful surrounding. In contrast, when I tried to focus reading in my room, I easily got distracted, mostly by my inside notion. I also planned to finish my pending matters tomorrow, and committed to woke up and start my activities earlier. But, Oh My God, it was ashamed because I just realized that tomorrow is a holiday due to the Muslim New Year. 1 Muharram 1432 H. Ya Allah, how could I didn't care about this most important celebration of the year, even I forgot what day tomorrow supposed to be.

Happy New Year
I hope the coming year would be better and brighter. I myself pray that I could have a better quality of spiritual intimacy with You. And more important, I can be a better me, personally, emotionally, spiritually, and professionally. I think I also need to draw my resolution. Yeah, I should.

For everyone,
-when rain dropped your tears, you must keep your heart warm.
-there is no 'late' words for any improvement.
-force yourself to be great and in your best shot.
- praying is the best moment of meditation which connect you to God.

Lesson learned today :
Don't forget to carefully and regularly look at your calender, unless you will left behind.


Regards,

Midnight Mumbling

Midnight now. Just woke up from my short-nap, after had a terrible headache. This time of the day, I supposed to surrender with all my heart and soul to whom I belong to. But the hardest thing is I almost lost my spirit and fidelity in what I believe as my ideal virtue. Hence, I always need the magnitude of a force, can be from anyone or anything, that able to grasp me spiritually and emotionally. Then, I should find my best rhythm, and create beautiful rhymes.

I felt grateful that things got done today. I was happy that I still could laugh cheerfully and joked my silly antics with friends of mine. My best accomplishment then is when they smiled and laughed happily. The existence of happiness in every one's heart is the best medicine to cure all the sickness in my heart. Worrisome and dissatisfaction are the enemy of happiness, that gnaw my inside-peace.

Never expect that all people are able to know and understand us well. Perception and justification are scattered around us. Sometimes, I felt bothered in the matter of those thinking. But I also realized that sometimes, I didn't understand people as well. Many times I also had a hard time to understand others ways of thinking. Because people are so unique compared one to others. Because people had different minds, characteristics, priority, motivation, and intention. Therefore, communication and discussion are very important stage of human's behavior. And, I am still learning to improve my interpersonal and communication skills.

I started today with the optimism to handle my responsibility. Responsibility taught me a lot of things, and we have been friends for years. But I consider myself as a bad friend thou. Responsibility also meets me with various great friends. One great friend of mine this morning asked me, "Kiki, what excited you?" That surprised me a lot. A simple yet meaningful question I never though about. Then, I tried to answer it by mentioning few things that excited me. At that time I answered, "seeing good friends, traveling, holidays, an insightful lecture, good grades, watching great movies, and many other things I called as accomplishment. " A shallow answer, but in my daily basis those are exciting enough for boosting my spirit.

My friend responded it effortlessly, "I wish I could think as simple as yours". Then I found out that what bothered her the most is 'relationship/companionship' thingy. I really understand what made her mood so bad today, and why she thought that life isn't getting so exciting anymore. After listening her stories, I realized that each one has their own priority and an ideal virtue. Then, I tried to reflect on my side.

When life has been so flat and not exciting anymore, I think I need 'a charge and a change'. A charge could be understood as (re)charging our spirits and motivations. We need to not only recharge, but also burn out our spirits and motivations. There are many things that successfully increased my spirit and motivations. For me just simple as what I already mentioned above. Beside that, a change is definitely needed when we had no improvement and betterment in our recent life or career, especially when we have potentials and capacity to grow.

What I feel I need right now is a spiritual (re)charge and a better chance for a change. Bismillah, God, I need Your Light and I want to be the light for others too. Please kindly lead my way for betterment for myself and others.

Regards,

Kiki Fauzia

Cheer Me Up with Your Smile :)

Love is all around us. Share it. Mean It.

I just wanted to collect some random stuffs that cheered me up these days lately :
- Knowing that one listening thoroughly, and smiling afterward.
- Spending time with lovely and trustworthy friends.
- Sharing hope and fears, and future uncertainty.
- Looking at eyes to eyes. Then feel it into heart.
- Doing and enjoying spare time with favourite friends.
- Get what we need. Feel what we like/love.
- Our goal/target accomplished.
- Doing what we enjoy the most, and getting insight afterward.

I believe that days is full of life-learning process. We are blessed with mind and heart as tools to maintain our perception about life. Life has many flavor; bitter-sweet for sure. That made life is so colorful, and rich. I realized that when we were down and sad, we learned something precious at the end. We never expect, but it has ripple-effect impact in our life . Life also doesn't always meet with all expectations. But once again, that made life is more challenging and not boring. Then, how we deal with all unexpected facts and bad days? For me, it's very relieving to smile and consistently do good deeds for others. It's very pleasuring when others smile and happy due to our presence. If not, no problems, because genuine smiles will automatically warmed up deep down inside our heart.

My next idea to cheer up our life is feel the love atmosphere around us. Really feel it deeply. First, you can start by eliminating all negative thoughts in your mind and heart, then start counting gifts God has given to you, from breathing til sleeping. And you should understand about the essence of grateful. It's just undeniably powerful. Then, find or create situations that will generate your inside happiness. I already counted mines by listing facts and activities that successfully increased my cheerful spirit and drawing my smiley-face while realizing that : I LOVE and LIVE all my LIFE.

With love,

Kiki Fauzia

Random Questions

"Mbak Kiki kapan nikah?"
** Seharusnya ditanyain kapan lulusnya dulu dong dik. Menikahi skripsi dulu baiknya. Kalau sudah sip dan sah, maka syarat minimal sudah terpenuhi lah insyaAllah.
"Mbak Kiki tutor ya di kelas ini?"
** Padahal saya kan masih mengambil 3 SKS mata kuliah ini.

Dua pertanyaan random itu keluar dari ucap spontan dan polos kedua adik angkatan saya hari ini. Pertanyaan yang sederhana, dan mungkin tidak mempunyai motivasi apa-apa, selain adanya keingintahuan. Namun nampaknya saya harus mulai merenungkannya, dan memberikan jawaban yang paling masuk akal, terutama dengan kesadaran penuh : dimana kaki saya berpijak sekarang dan mau kemana (dan bagaimanakah) langkah ini akan dibawa. Akankah merangkak, tertatih, berjalan pelan, berjalan tergesa, ataukah berlari. Saya yang harus merencanakan dan memutuskan. Semoga tidak akan terlalu banyak penundaan, dan kesia-siaan tentunya.

Semangat move on & move forward!

Kiki Fauzia

Post K.K.N. Reflection

Too much to count, too many to tell.
I will start from my community service stories. Well, I have just officially finished my community service duty, today, after completing the responsibility to the school. Unlike the other days of our trip to Wonosari, today we rode my friend's car. The trip seemed more enjoyable and faster, especially in the hot temperature day. OMG. I still cant believe that I stayed the same. My innocent behavior should be responsible of what I have done. So, this what happened : I switched off my mobile phone due to empty battery since the night before. After praying subuh in Masjid, I felt a sleep and just woke up around 9 a.m. Then, I remembered to switch on my mobile phone. There were several messages coming, one of them was from my KKN team. Then, I was ruined in a big hurry to get ready to the campus. Oh, God, I hate myself to being that way.

I once said that too much control would make no sense. On this context, I was strongly irritated by the mechanism created by institution that has the authority to control the whole system of community service. Simply, why they bother to complicate stuff. It's maybe a typical of Indonesia procedural system. Ok, then enough to complain, and wouldn't change anything, except if they are sensible enough to reflect on what many students may have articulated in the sense of inefficiency.

They called it ‘sosiogram’. What a shit of sheet I can say. I don’t know whether it’s part of grading system or not. Frankly, I don’t like judge (rank) others by putting them unequal to what they have contributed. Maybe some friends support this kind of consideration, but I powerfully argue that this will create worst and unfair results. First reasons, as a team we are built to work together, support, and complete each others. So we mayn’t compare one to each just by concluding that one has a better contribution to others. Each one has their own portion and contribution. One may give a small but urgent yet significant input to the team. Second reasons, I believe that regardless objectivity principle we hold, we tend to act subjectively. Therefore, I vote for 'floating mass' on this situation, with such thoughtful considerations, such as a betterment for all and for the sake of long term relationship.

KKN is quite experience that thought me a lot. It was a another life phase sample that made me think, feel, react, reflect, then realize that I am a perfect human blessed with imperfect traits. When we struggled in a team, we mostly deal with frictions within our own consciousness, interpersonal relations and conflicting motion of thoughts with others. Then, after all, I knew myself better and the way others think and react. Too many to count, and, too many times we missed the moment to be touched, to be heard, to be hold on. We may easily forgot that basically we are just the same. If we can listen more, do more, involve more, and share more, we may miscalculate the days we spent compared with satisfaction and preciousness others may feel. When I realized that way, I want to rotate the time and change the scenario so that I won't 'amoeba-ing' quite often.

UNIT 95 -my KKN team- in front of Lobi HI, Fisipol UGM, 2010

It's ashamed if we just know the name, never asked how they feel, even seldom thank to their deeds. We also couldn't blame the system we committed, if that really happened. It was just too pity for me if this togetherness didn't reach out deep down inside our heart. I mean, I wouldn't exaggerate things, but we really need to value that we are not a robotic creature. Every act has tendency, motivations, and intentions. Then, we have to build our sense of sympathy and empathy. Maybe it's too easy to say, but hardly to understand and practice. Simply I wanna say : don't hurt others, don't backstabbing others, and don't underestimate others. It's better to appreciate others, and give a positive support to their deeds.

I'm glad to have shared and experienced this two months of community service together with my teammate. I really appreciated that we have tried to contribute our best. When I looked upon them, there were many memories drawn inside my brain-disk, and locked tidily in my heart. Because every jokes created happiness. Every smiles cured bad days. Every success generated optimism. Every appreciation invented confidence. Every shared-stories established trust. Every togetherness built understanding. And loving will grow through bad and good days. And time will show who true friend are.

On the other hands, I strongly oppose any forms of humiliation. In whatever intentions it may take, I rather withdrawing myself and choose 'mute' mode. Maybe, it's not the best way to react. But I will not worsen the situation by adding some opinion and random info. Because every humiliation will cause wound and big hole in other heart. Because we never know yet beyond their appearance, actions and reactions, what their real conditions, motivations, and intentions are. Haha. It's getting more absurd and I started mumbling randomly.

Afterward, I just wanted to sincere thank and sorry to all my friends during this two months. It's very delighted to work with you. I was very honored to spend minutes, hours, days, and months with you who are indeed very good people, very good students. Thank you.

Cheers, for all the best,

Kiki Fauzia

"Seorang terpelajar harus berlaku adil sudah sejak dalam pikiran, apalagi dalam perbuatan," - Pramoedya Ananta Toer

Tamparan Keras

Kejutan getir di depan mata. Saya tidak bisa menghindar dari tamparan keras yang sangat menyakitkan ini. Anehnya efeknya begitu menguatkan. Pertama kali, helaan nafas pun terasa berat. Seketika dada serasa sesak dan ada beban berat di pundak saya. Namun, lambat laun, saya meyakini bahwa kenyataan ini adalah pelajaran berharga, Pengalaman ini akan memperkaya batin dan mental saya. Setidaknya untuk memberikan kata cukup pada kesia-siaan dan inefisiensi sikap dan pola pikir. Ya Allah, hamba mohon perlindungan atas segala siksa dunia dan akhirat! Hanya kepada-Mu lah diri berserah dan memohon pertolongan!

Yang meringankan separuh beban saya kemudian adalah surat Al Insyirah yang konsisten, tak pernah luput dari bibir dan pesan tentang hal-hal yang mengajaibkan kehidupan, yakni "kejujuran, kerja keras, dan upaya bagi kebaikan sesama." Sebenarnya tiga karakter di atas bisa menjadi obat sekaligus jawaban atas tamparan keras saya hari ini.

Kejujuran. Kerja keras. Upaya bagi kebaikan sesama. Semoga saya bisa menjiwainya dengan sepenuh hati.