What Her Past Stories Present

Once upon a time, in a beautiful Sunday afternoon in a wonder land, she has met a main character in her past story. It was apparently not surprising since she had been once thinking that it would happen, which it did. Although she didn’t expect that the beautiful moment turned to awkward disposition, she was absolutely fine yet a bit uneasy. At first she tried to be calm and controlled her spontaneous act. Yet, she couldn’t help denying the fact that the character was exist and visible. After all, she was glad she success in maintaining her cheerful appearance and blissful aura although her mother and brother noticed that she behaved a little clumsy and knotty.

She doubted that she supposed to greet the character. She was confidence to pretend that he was invisible, and she was still a beautiful happy girl on the room. It didn’t matter at all, until a moment when her father insisted her to pay a respect to an honorable lady which happened to be standing next to the character.  Then, she couldn’t withdraw her move; she greeted that person with a huge smile of her which she felt very fake. She gave her hand to greet him graciously, and out of the blue he refused gently, as if he was the most holy person on that building. Oh God, thank you, she smiled again and continued to have a pleasant conversation with the lady next to him. 

The moment in a wonder land above really reminisced memories of two characters who never had a parallel paths. Moreover, she was really grateful that love really found their ways. She was more relieved that a supportive and continuous companion posses a restless acceptance. She was very delighted to witness that there was additional and protagonist character who perfectly fit on a half soul that been searching for since a long time a go. She was thankful that it matched best without any force.

On another plot, she is wondering whether a far from where she stood last week another character-who experienced to be the main character on her another favorite stories-still stands firmly. There were undiscovered truths he has been trying to hide. He succeed some but he failed partly, especially to convince her that he is a righteous actor. Lies lay underneath his skin and he covered it smoothly with his eloquent and loquacious nature.  She couldn’t lie that they met and made up something like a chemical attraction between two opposite sexes. Some people said that it was irresistible feeling some thought that it was only expression of adoration; some might think that there is a temporary love sequel. She was the only one knew what is in her heart.

When the lines continued to pull, she was happy when things went well on his side. She only discovered recently that she has been too positive thinking. She was not surprised at all when she discovered the hidden truth. She just laughed hardly and started writing her notes. She could write easily and felt grateful that he was doing very well. Well, it is good for her also. Life continued to connect the dots that some time ago missing and remained unquestionable. She finally concluded that despite the un-friend precedent and owning multiple numbers there was a strong reason to justify, which is very valid and legitimate.

She was never this glad before, and started singing, "Oh my sleeping child, the world is so wild. But you have build your own paradise. That's one reason why I'll cover you sleeping child."  

Unfortunately, she is not a sleeping child. She is a lively young lady.

-The End-

My Lil Brother's Graduation

Wednesday, October 10th 2012

Sentul International Convention Center, Bogor

Welcome to Almost End Year

Suddenly it comes, November!

Yesterday, I was happy. I felt even happier since I was able to laugh harder and share many dully jokes with my good friends. A good companion is always relaxing and recharging. Although my friends and I are in the same stage of anxiousness and uncertainty, we felt relieved when we could rely on each other and made fun of ourselves.  It simply made my day. 

Working overtime became a new habit. I do not  complain. I am grateful since supportive people were there as well. Yesterday my colleagues and I discussed about office's Key Performance Indicator; identifying vision mission, job desk, SWOT, and etc. We finished the meeting agenda soon, and damn we have homework. We continued our flowing conversation and ended up talking many other things, from university management and policy, nostalgic moments, until personal interaction between staffs. I realized that time indeed was fleeting.  There had been many changes. It transformed dynamically and needs ultimate support from various aspects. What a big work! 

I am competing with my own-urge and guts to complete my 'to-do-list'. I am afraid that I am running out of time. I have set my personal target yet time-management needs to be improved.  But supporting system I need the most not on my side 100%. 

Monthly Wrap-Up
Productivity is not the same as busyness. I do not know where my daily activity belongs to. It seems that I have spent hours and hours at the office. The question is am I productive enough? I am also uncertain. I often spent many hours by doing assigned task for my boss or my boss's boss. What I want the most is to make a meaningful routines so that my days don't just pass by.

When I was home last week there were 'serious' talk regarding my future plan. My parents, especially my father advices me many things that I need to consider. One hand, it motivated me to make them proud due to my hard work. On the other hand, I am not absolutely agree with their idea. However, I respected them with all my heart so I will show my best and will see what God decision is.

Another thing is when number become so judgmental it becomes so sensitive. Let say it is age. It bothered me when surrounding started to stigmatize. Let be frank, it is about marriage. Hellow, we are living in the communal environment so just be calm and easy-going when people start to wonder and care about our personal matters. But yeah, I thank you very much since it grabbed my attention and success to make me concern.  

I remember I wrote:

March has gone with  its effortless vanity. April came already, spring rings eloquently.

May, you  may hug me....

And now, all of sudden it comes November. 
Please November makes me sober!:)

The Precious 1433 H

Recently I understand why weekend is precious and family-time is priceless.

Home and family are two elements that glue my heart tightly with love and care. This year, I was grateful to have spent enough qualified-time with family during Eid holiday. Family are always there welcoming our true-self, and are never tired to remind and give a shock therapy for me, mentally and spiritually.

Lebaran is not only ceremonial and eventual celebration. It surely has tradition and festivities that each family celebrate differently. For me,  lebaran remarked a shifting generation and self 'verification'.

Why? Go figure it out! :3

Iftar with OIA Family

The nuance of togetherness

DREaM Coordinator gave gifts to OIA staffs

Girls Power - Ibu-ibu Dharma Wanita

Here, I am Back

I once decided to quit. I was so bored and weary with my routines. It was a complex combination of disappointment, confrontation and denial. Too much political hassle and unnecessary drama. I needed to move on and experience the different pace. I thought, a wider opportunity and freedom were away open out there. In fact, it was not as easy as reversing our palm.  Moreover, time to resign was a sadder moment since it was almost my three-years experience. I treasured not only the preciousness of friendship but also valuable life-lesson. There had been ups and down, tears and laughter, cheers and jeer, victory and misery and so on. In brief, I grew up on that building, 2nd floor, South Wing. On this post, I wouldn't write a reflective story or related to retrospective note. Here is just my humble confirmation, where I am now and what I am doing recently.

Released from the cage when years spending inside of it is very pleasuring and exciting. That is what I felt aftermath of my resignation form the office. Living the days without responsibilities and duties was somehow very enjoyable. I spent the days keeping up with my personal targets. I jogged and exercised quite often. I frequently went and hang out out with friends, learned IELTS, visited my family and applied to my desirable jobs and schools. I found novelty in my life rhythm, and it felt so amazing. What I really appreciated the most was freedom. I owned the freedom to do what I love without time-constrain and restriction. 

Time was fleeting. Happiness and freedom-I enjoyed previously- did not stay longer because I missed one substantial thing, 'fulfillment'. At first and foremost, I wasn't able to fill my bank account. Very sad, that I keep spending without any income. It was also a shame for a graduate to still ask money to their parents. Second, freelance was not absolutely free. Being in a freelance status gave me freedom, but not stability and temporary security I needed at the time-being. Moreover, the productivity  turned to an abrupt task-trajectory. I was also intimidated when my parents call and wondered about my activities and how I got through the day. They did not mean to, it was a caring attention from them, I guess. Third, I missed the working pressures and peer zeal, from event, project, and daily tasks that follows.

Life does not always meet the expectations. It sometimes gives you no alternative options, beside opt one in-front-of-eyes-offering. As my good sister told me that life needs flexibility. Now, I understood that I should be flexible. I am very grateful that I pulled back my initial decision. It was a conscious decision after consulting with my trustworthy adviser, friend and also parent for sure. I was back now, a place where I tossed the coin. I learned again to be more patient and sincere. Forgetting about politics and drama, I will show my commitment to project a better working environment. 

It is different now. Although I occupy the same place, there had been many changes; from my working status, Rectorat management, staff composition and interior arrangement at the office. I am glad that I am surrounded by supportive and credible colleagues. I hope my presence will be beneficial for others and my assistance will make things better and in order. So far, I am happy and  don't mind to serve and help others. It is a pleasure to see other's happiness and accomplishment. All the more, when we are appreciated.

I hope, my happiness will accompanied by my fulfillment. I expect it will be a stepping stone to achieve my future targets. I just need to be patient and know the priority. The last one is quite hard to bid. But, I do not need to worries. My self-management will be improved and time will escort me, soon, InsyaAlloh.

AG 1549 I - BLT -YK-  I don't know who has this bike. I love it, esp. the plat number.

Hijab in Intersection: between Fashion and Religion

The value of ‘hijab’ - scarf or veil covering Moslem woman’s hair and supposedly laying toward chest- has transformed over decades. Let us look at surrounding!  We maybe enchanted and surprised by numerous women, young and aged, wearing hijab in different style and fashion. They do not look odd anymore, even expressed themselves creatively and freely by experimenting of wearing hijab along with outfits which fit. Chic, modest and stylish can be the impression. 

Hijab, -originally derived from Islamic woman’s duty for the sake of modesty and obedience to God- has turned to be a pop culture in my society. On this post, I would not judge those who drowning on this trend, since me myself often fascinated and hauled by this rapid innovation. For me, it is very interesting to witness and examine the hijab transformation and estimate the positive and negative consequences in the society.

Back to previous decades, I have seen woman wearing hijab. The number was still limited compared to a recent year. They had various motives regarding the commitment to wear hijab which mostly came from their pure intention to become more modest and better as a believer. From their appearance, they looked similar and monotonous. The way they dressed was just faraway from the tag of fashion; rather odd and plain instead. From Syar’i perspective, it would be justified because women discourage to deliberately attract male’s attention since all part of their body is considered as ‘aurah’. 

Recently, I witnessed the vast development on hijab world. As a matter effect, hijab connotes differently nowadays, in which the initial meaning of religion obligation has shifted to the artificial appendix of fashion. The massive transformation can be seen from ‘hijaber’-person wearing hijab- who pay more attention on how they look. Hijab now correlates with fashion, style and industry.  Furthermore, it should thank to the contribution of globalization, mass media and Internet in particular, which play significant roles for the revolutionary changes.

 Internet has introduced us to numerous Moslem fashion bloggers who all of sudden become newly public figures. Let us name it one by one: Dian Pelangi, Ria Miranda, Jenahara, Hana Tajima, Ghaida, Shea Rasol, Jezmin Blossom, and many else who happen to be hijaber, fashion designer and own their fashion-line. They are stylish and trend-setter among hijabers in Indonesia and worldwide. 

In Indonesia, the community, namely ‘Hijabers Community’, emerged as a response to the hijab expansion. They gather and share the same vision, values and interest in accommodating events related to hijab and muslimah. ‘From fashion to Islamic studies, from hijab style to learning Islam,..’ (Quoted from Hijaberscommunity.com)  The spill-over effect yet diffuses in swift motion. The community has developed their branch in regional scope in immediate period. Bandung, Yogyakarta, Surabaya, and other big cities in Indonesia claimed to have established the local office of Hijabers Community on their neighborhood. 

Positive effect: Contravening Stereotype

Moslem woman is often labeled as an object of oppression by Western perspective. Woman empowerment is an issue that Islam had been struggling for. We also can not deny that in another part of the world, woman is still victimized by male-dominated power. We are very fortunate to live in Indonesia, the country which the majority holding moderate Islam-understanding and woman is empowered here. Therefore, the rise of hijab fashion and Moslem bloggers will defect the stereotype that Islam oppresses woman. 

Profiling each Moslem bloggers with their accomplishment and principle will show to the world that woman, Islam, freedom and creativity can collide beautifully. It is a proof that Islam loves beauty. This perception will hinder the wrong conception about Islam and highlight the idea that Islam respects and values woman highly. Islam does not limit the freedom of woman, but regulating them in order to protect their dignity and humility. The massive trend of women wearing hijab in stylish and elegant fashion will also articulate the voice that Islam is dynamic and compatible with the modernity. Hence, it appreciates exquisiteness and modesty on the same shoes. 

Negative impact: Consumerism Alert

The positive side seems very constructive. However, I identified one major consequence of this hijab trend, which is consumerism. A large-scale industry grew within, from home industry to a well-known label. In hijab industry, like any other industry, opportunities are open for courageous and creative people. It becomes more profitable for those who owns higher capital and conquers technology and media, let say the digital marketing. I was alarmed then to welcome the consumerism waves which shadow thousands of Indonesian women.

The Moslem fashion blogger, -who happen to be designer and entrepreneur- regularly post their style and outfits in their blog. They also frequently launch their products, such as scarf, cloths, skirt, and blouse. Since they already become trend-setter and public figures, the customer will likely imitate their styles. They are inspired to dress and wear hijab as what they see in Internet or media and copy from their favorite blogger’s style.

Subsequently, I tried to observe the customer behavior trends by visiting several Moslem stores in my town. As I guessed previously, the display of the cloths and scarf are mostly replicate the trend of fashion blogger. And, predictably these sections are usually favored by many women.  As a result, hijaber behavior towards shopping is not based on necessity matters, but anchored in the line of fashion and style. They are prone to collect stuffs which are ‘happening’ and trendy instead of shopping what they really need. They do not mind to spend considerable amount of money to collect stuffs from different color and designs to fulfill their passion and interest in fashion.

This ongoing phenomenon is more than meet the eyes. Hijab in intersection, -between religion and fashion- there must be ‘traffic light’ and ‘traffic signs’. As long as it does not violate Islam rule, I am proud of Moslem's woman empowerment in fashion industry. However, to sum up, let us define necessity better and wiser. Beautifying our outward is not a sin, but it would be much better if we could beautify our inward more and foremost.

Resuming Life in Punctuation

We need a comma, to give a moment to remember and to reflect(,)  to take a deep breath and value the beatific life we had. We required exclamation mark, so (to) be strong and steady(!) We started to use question mark to wonder what we have been longing for, where we heading to and with whom we will stay true and faithful(?) Then, we should be enclosed with period, to stop wandering around and finished observing what's going on and what's on her/his mind(.) Thus, from now on, let us use capitalization to Celebrate Our Own Authentic Life. Celebrate with the utmost gratefulness and joy. 
Do not worry, be happy, because we live with passion and purpose!

Dear Soulmate

I really so very miss you today.

I am so sorry if I ever made you sad.

I hope we feel better without together.

Please forgive me if I can't thank enough to you.

Warm regards,

My sincere soul

PS : Please do not remember me.

Road Trip to the East Java

Few months before Ramadhan is the harvest month of marriage. I received about ten invitations of my friends and colleague's wedding. Or even more since I didn't count the use of e-invitation through Facebook.  I could not come to all invitations. The phenomenon also means that friends around my ages already committed to build a new family. Sometimes it felt intimidating, but when I questioned to myself I was not sure enough whether I am ready for that phase or not yet. There are many reasons to justify. My girl friends often joked about that matter, and I remember one friend said"It is not that important ruminating when we will marry. Yet, the most important question is who will marry us." Somehow that can be true.

The longest journey I took for attending wedding reception was the trip back home.  My friends from the Association of International Youth Exchange Program Alumni, called PCMI Chapter Jogja already planned to come to our friend wedding, Mbak Kiky who happens to live in the next town, Tulungagung, near by Blitar Regency border. I got excited after being informed that my friends will stop by and pay a casual visit to my parent's house. Since the second year of my study, I told my parents couple times that my good friends will come over and stay at home, but the plan always remains as a plan only. They couldn't manage to come due to various reasons that mostly could suits their schedule and conditions. Thus, knowing my friends will have a visit, my family was happy to be able to host guests from Jogja.

Hunting Wedding Gift
Giving what friend wants and needs instead of giving general gift for wedding is a wise decision. The situation will be different if a friend we intend to give made a specific request based on the thing she craves for. The story began situated by that background. My friends asked me out to shop that wedding gift. Having told what a kind of thing we will buy, I was bluntly shocked and amazed at the same time.  "What a crazy yet amazing request!" That was my initial thought.  

Shopping that L thing is not that easy since the request was specific. The other reason is we needed to have a high confidence and boldness to ask and deal with the shopkeeper. First, it was my first experience to shop that stuff. Second, I was not in the circumstances of needing that stuff so it was kinda weird to look for such a specific spec. We spent most times considering the color preferences and had a hard time to find any. Third, I was accompanied by two 'body guards' who are my male friends which made the L hunting seemed inappropriate. I myself did not really care and had such a fun time exploring from one section to another. I also innocently listened on my friend's thought on that stuff. What a great lesson learned, I think. Hahah. We moved from the biggest mall in the town to the mall on the super crowded street in Malioboro area. What a confusing options. After all, the finding was quite surprising in terms of location. We were quite satisfied and happy with our choice. Such a big deal.

It was a long day. We finished searching the wrapped box and buying snack and beverages in another mall at around eight o'clock. Wow, it means that in a day I came to three different malls in the town.  Subsequently, I did not forget to have dinner and prepared my belongings. I arrived in Agrapana Guest House at nine thirty when everybody had been waiting, including the driver of 'Travello' who will drive us.

Never ending Far-East Ride
We already set up the GPS, pinned the google map of Mbak Ky's home, connected the location where we start the long ride, my parent's home, and the wedding venue. What a technology. Then, I met the driver whose name is Sigit. He told us that he used to drive to the West and this journey route is a rare route. At first, I was quite optimist with him but after listening his confession, I was bit worried whether he understand the route or not. He also stated few times that the route to Blitar would make a big difference, and take way longer, compared to Tulungagung. Oh, Helloww! Talk to my hands!

My worrisome found its proof when we headed along the dark wood and remote district. I never passed this street on my way back home. I was concerned more when he seemed not sure driving and kept his phone-conversation with his friend questioning which direction he shoud take. The best and ideal route supposedly was through the crowd street via Solo city. I didn't understand why he favored taking a peculiar way over tea farm in Karanganyar and unidentified village near Sragen. His confusion didn't end quickly since he stopped twice or three times asking the direction to local people. Poor me, I couldn't really help since I was also blind of direction. I couldn't merely blame Mas Sigit without giving a solution. It would worsen the frustrating situation, I understand that. That's why I kept pretending to be calm.

Thank to Mas Wiwit when it reached Sragen -I forget the name of the sub-district- he could hold the control and instructed the right direction to the driver. I finally discovered the civilization, lights, cars, buses, trucks,  instead of only nature and darkness. I realized that the other friends was sleeping since it was also tiring day for them. Four of them attended a wedding in Semarang on the evening. Even, Mbak Meika just landed from East Borneo an hour before. I did notknow why I was not sleepy at all, just kept the conversation going, and more awake when we stopped in few gas stations.

The ride was fine along the way until passing the border between Central and East Java,  Ngawi, Saradan, and oops it staggered again on the way to Kediri. I was bothered when the driver asked me again to make sure if we will go to Blitar first. Hellow, did you understand since the first time.  He again made a stop, and inquired to men in a coffee stall in the middle of rice field. Actually I could activate my GPS but my android battery was almost dead, so I gave up. It was already four o'clock in the morning and we even did not reach Kediri yet. By travel, I used to arrive in front of my house on that time. 

Finally, the dawn appeared on the lofty sky beautifully. We were greeted by 'Welcome to Kediri'. I felt assured a bit. At least one more town to go. The sky got brighter and brighter that made everyone woke up. They also became hungry. The cheer and noise of everyone replenished the morning atmosphere. The day got happier when they tittered along the way. 

We arrived in my parent's house when my hour hand shown to seven. It felt so great to be home. We had a little rest, took a shower, had a breakfast, and were ready to attend the wedding.  On ten o'clock we set to go. We did not forget to take pictures. 

The full member of PCMI Jogja and associates

We used the GPS to track the direction to the wedding venue and it was very accurate. We needed a half hour only to get there. Mbak Kiky and the groom, Asmoro who is also a friend of mine in middle school and high school finally have a legal status of companionship based on a state and religion law. Congratulation for them. Hope the newly wed will have a blessed, prosperous, and blissful life ahead together, ever and after.

The Wedding Reception on Monday, July 9th 2012

The Heroes in the Town
I can say that it is not a complete visit to Blitar if you do not come to Soekarno Grave, the icon of tourism spot in my hometown. Thus, I took five friends of mine to the Soekarno tourism center which consists of three tourism objects; museum, library and grave. We rode motorcycle to get there and felt the breeze of Blitar winds.
 

The visit to Bung Karno Grave was quite special since I rarely visit that place. But then, I could show to my friends one of my favorite place in the town which is Bung Karno Library. Moreover, during the visit my friends kept asking me. Why Soekarno was buried in Blitar?  

I suddenly stuttered to answer that question. I had no idea and never thought about that. What a shame. It also indicated my apathetic attitude toward my environment. Oh, NO!!! Then, after my friends read one picture description on the museum and told me, I finally knew the reason. Mas Ari also explained another reason, which is a political reason why our founding father was buried in Blitar in which is a small town, far away from the Capital city. I can conclude that the first reason, which also stated on the museum is because Soekarno wanted to be buried near by his parents grave, and especially because his mother who was originally from Bali, spent most of her time living in Blitar. The second one, the political reason is because Soeharto administration at that time wanted to locate the Sokarno grave to be faraway from the center of power. That's also described why Soekarno was not buried in Bogor instead. Blitar is the best choice since it is in a distant area from the Capital city compared to Bogor.

Before leaving Blitar, my friends and I enjoyed the meals Mom already prepared. Bakso Urat and Gurami Asam Manis tasted so tempting for a hungry stomach. I coldn't thank enough to my Mom, for serving us (the food especially) very well. Also, my Dad, brother, and Mbak Sita who gave the best hospitality.  We leaved for Jogja at five o'clock. It was such a heavy good bye to me as I was already at home and couldn't stay any longer due to work in Jogja. I hugged my Mom tightly and said see you very soon to my family at home. 

Memorable Way Back
We counted on GPS so much. We instructed the driver with the direction shown by GPS. I think I trusted GPS more than the driver. Sorry Man! On our way back to Jogja, I had the impression that everyone got so hyperactive :) I guessed their hormone increased so much due to full and happy stomach.  They sang series of songs crazily and ecstatically. They even changed the lyrics and made a Capella with their mouth.  I was so entertained and couldn't help laughing so much. What a crazy show. How crazy these peeps!

Maybe too much laughing and being over happy is not good. We got a shocking reminder in Nganjuk. All of sudden we heard a small explosion under the car.  Then, we got off from the car and found out that the radiator rope was broken off. That apparently because the car has a bad maintenance. We waited the driver and some friends to fix the problem. Fortunately,  Mbak Ky provided us with dinner box so that we were not starving for dead. Hours by hours, my friends and I didn't hear the progress yet until we felt asleep in front of local people's terrace. We surely asked permission to the owner first.

I woke up when Mas Happy and Mas Reja informed us that we needed to get on the bus. It was almost late midnight. Mas Sigit and his friends tried to stop tourism bus to accommodate us. We transferred our belongings and our sleepy body in a quick motion because the bus stopped on the fast track of inter-provincial road. 

There was always something to be grateful for. We finally had a seat on the big bus and could continue sleep. What I thanked the most for this experience was I was accompanied by good friends who never grumbled on a difficult situation. They adjusted quickly without any nagging or even cursing a bad shit. It was a a smooth ride then until we arrived in Jombor, and picked up by another car. The driver dropped us in front of PH Jakal and we had a short walk to Mas Happy guest house. I watched my clock and it was a half past four in the morning.

What an unforgettable road trip!
I had to go to the office on the same day with my panda eyes and sleepless body. However, a quick adventure back home and its amazing stories in it was a pleasure solace.

When Escapism is the Only Way Out

Soccer field in front of GSP at twilight, from Android cam, after jogging July 16, 2012

Maintaining a balanced life is not an easy task. At least, people needs to be discipline and strict to the commitment they made. In my case, the biggest enemies are routines and comfort. These two things will not only erode life-balance but also destroy self-transformation in medium term. People may find that comfort in routines will affect positively, such as improving work performances and exhilarating social life. Yet, being trapped in the comfort zone will eventually make people are reluctant to the changes. Moreover, it is quite dangerous for self improvement and better future projection. But what else people are seeking for, besides possessing inner peace and happiness, and also giving as much as benefit for others. Then, the substantial question is simple yet essential are you happy, now? are you able to make others, especially your loved ones happy?  

Happiness is state of mind. People may interpret it vary, from such a simple explanation until the long complicated one. Let me compose my answer which is I am happy when:  I enjoy my life; I am grateful for what I have and am doing;  Feel much love and blessed from surrounding people; Maintaining a good relations with others;  And so on.. The answer is very normative yet justified. The matter is, people are so easily grateful for such positive, great, and beautiful deeds or things. But when it comes to very tiny, ugly, insignificant things, it requires such a huge and sincere heart to find the reason to be grateful for. That what makes differences. The ingredient is quite simple. It is in line with the quote from 'The Little Prince' : "What is essential is invisible to the eye" Or I can freely reinterpret by using syllogism that what essential is happiness. Thus, what is happiness is invisible to the eye.

If we contemplate on the quotation above, we may find the answer. It is indeed hard to be accepted since visualization is very important in human life, especially nowadays when the exposure of commercialization and materialization became dramatically high. I can be naive if against and argued on those things. I consumed it everyday and became a big fan of the globalization. But then, can I be merely and sincerely happy towards the idea having it all? My answer is nope. The reason is because the foundation of life lies on the ability of differing what is essential and what is not. We need freedom to suit best on the specification we created. Freedom is really important on this matter because it provides options and we are free and secured to choose.

If I may choose, I prefer to maintain life-balance for the sake of happiness (*based on my self-interpretation) . If needed, I do not mind to escape and be invisible. I need escapism to rejoice the status quo. I need to be invisible to carefully watch out and listen to my inner heart. The result is my conscience will speak louder that my outer ego. For me, it is very essential.

Di Ufuk Keniscayaan

Memberikan waktu yang lebih lama pada kesedihan akan semakin memperperih luka. Itulah mengapa manusia memerlukan pengalihan rasa, dan juga semangat untuk move on. 

Rasa pedih datang ketika orang yang senantiasa kita rindukan kehadirannya tidak bisa lagi kita lihat, dengar, dan peluk. Rasanya seperti mimpi, ketika baru kemarin, aku masih memandangnya dengan penuh sayang, kagum, dan rasa haru yang begitu mendalam. Sosok yang selalu menjadi pemompa semangat keluarga, tempat tujuan ketika hari raya dan libur tiba, serta curahan hati dan teladan anak cucunya. Figur yang bersahaja namun selalu memberikan harapan. Dalam doa-doanya, aku merasakan kekuatan sebuah kepercayaan. 

Manusia, sejatinya hanya memiliki kehilangan. Serpihan kehidupan adalah fase pergantian antara kehilangan dan penemuan. Pergi, hilang, kembali, pertemuan, harapan, kesedihan, kegembiraan, perpisahan, kerinduan, hilang, berganti,...  Fase-fase yang selalu berputar dan mengilhami 'keabadian' perubahan.

Dalam khusuknya diam, doa-doa terselip untuk mereka yang telah tulus menyayangi dan ikhlas mendoakan, walau tanpa diketahui.

Angin berhembus perlahan, kemuning senja melintasi batas laut yang mempertegas garis alam. Antara siang dan malam, ada banyak alasan untuk melanjutkan kehidupan.

It's not your stage, darling!

Dibutuhkan lebih banyak kemauan daripada kemampuan untuk komposisi keberhasilan tindakan. Teori memang berkata begitu. Praktiknya, kemampuan sangat-sangatlah penting. Kemampuan, yang lahir dari bakat atau ditempa melalui kebiasaan atau latihan, sangat penting untuk kepuasan pribadi dan juga pergaulan sosial. Faktanya, beberapa minggu ini saya merasa jengah, tetapi 'bersyukur' karena ketidak-asertive-an diri telah berhasil menemukan kesadarannya. Penemuan yang terlambat mungkin, yakni kesadaran bahwa I have no talent or particular skill. Sedih ternyata, tidak bisa memiliki bakat yang menyenangkan. Let say,  I can’t sing, even can’t read the lines, nor playing musical instrument. I can't swim nor dance. So, what can I be proud of? That’s a pity. 

At least, I am still proud to be able to enjoy the moment when I feel like stuck in a stiff condition. I should have tried my best, but I don't. My inner thought then comfort me by telling: "That's not your stage, darling"

It is true. My stage is here, when silent and rhyme can be best friend. Almost impossible. But, only those who listen to their inner heart who always find a moment to remember, and to treasure. That is what I called by self-acceptance. Acceptance to self-limitation that never restrain the grateful heart. 

Just what you are worth

I wept this morning after I received an email that contained  a cute video from someone. Responding to the video, I thank you very much for your effort to resemble our picture and made the meaning of each. It means a lot since we have been through many beautiful moments together. Therefore, I want to underline that you do not need to sorry. I was even confused what you were sorry for, and questioned what that sorry means. Yet, I really appreciate it. On the other hand, I maybe the one who should ask forgiveness since creating a distance without explanation might be hard to be accepted. I think we need a 'pause'.  We have to 'mute' ourselves to be able to listen deeply into our heart. Maybe, we misinterpreted the condition (?). We also need to understand where we derive from and where and what we are heading to.

Please keep in mind, dear : You are free to do things you like. You are welcome to pursue your dreams. Don't ever regret for the path you have chosen. The great life-lesson and wisdom were in line with it. I don't promise anything. I don't ask anything. What I can only do is just praying for you and wishing that God will always  guide and light your way.

I am sure, at this time, when you lose something you will be able to replace it *Finger crossed* This favorite song is for you, to fix you.

e

FIX YOU

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

V for 2556 Vesak Victory

 Vesak euphoric tempted me to value its ambiance from my first-hand experience. At first, my sane excitement trapped me to the absence of critical sight. We departed from Yogya around 5 p.m.  accompanied by a dramatic traffic jam and grey sky that effortlessly poured such melancholic rain. Then, it turned to a magical switch when gold moon appeared in a distant. The blue night light illuminated  and dazzled the mob. 

I could say that it's a priceless experience, although a bit overrated. As a local tourist who aimed to enjoy the celebration and festivities, especially the lantern release, I wouldn't expect more than the harmony of the night. People from all different backgrounds united in one joyous moment. I may wrong for saying so, since the initial purpose has transformed to an artificial celebration. I also sorry for the visitors who are not sensible enough that the Buddhist pilgrimage is not merely an object, but the subject of an event. It's also pathetic to smell the commercialization of such a sacred occasion.

Let the captured picture itself tell the vivid stories beyond words.

 

Lantern flied high to the sky. 

Those are the hope and wishes that stay bright and up high. They glow in the dark and shine inside everybody's heart. After all, in the name of faith, we share many similarities. 

Borobudur Temple, Magelang Regency, May 6, 2556 BE

Bermain Mengikuti Arah Angin *Barat*

 Alam mampu memberikan ketenangan dan jawaban atas retorika kehidupan, yang sesak oleh tanya dan ragu, serta dipenuhi hura-hura dan haru. Sebagai pecinta alam, atau orang yang ingin mencintai alam secara lebih nyata dan sederhana, menikmati alam merupakan sebuah kepuasan. Di sisi lain, teman, seperti halnya alam, mampu memberikan ketenangan dan jawaban pada zig-zag kehidupan. Kehadiran teman, layaknya candu dan madu yang bisa 'menyenangkan' dan juga mengobati. Kombinasi yang pas, antara alam dan teman menciptakan sensasi bak minum es lemon tea di kala dahaga siang menyerang.

Superb Saturday

Sabtu, 5 Mei 2012. Dengan tujuan bersenang-senang dan bermain bersama teman2, saya menyanggupi ajakan untuk melakukan wisata alam dan kuliner di Jogja. Saya bersama rombongan keluarga besar PCMIJogja, kurang lebih 5 orang, berkumpul di Mas Happy's Agrapana Guest House. Sekitar jam 12 siang mobil berangkat dengan terlebih dulu menjemput Mbak Meta, dan putrinya, Vanya. Rencana awal 'piknik keluarga' hari itu adalah Gudeg Manggar di mBantul, Pantai Kuwaru Kulon Progo, dan hidangan seafood di sekitar pantai. Ternyata, perjalanan hari itu mengalami beberapa peyesuaian dan akhirnya kami berhasil menikmati Seafood Bu Purwo, Pantai Congots di Kulon Progo, Bakso di dekat Kantor Wali Kota, serta Wedang Ronde di samping Sekre Menwa, Bunderan UGM.

Perjalanan yang ditempuh selama berjam-jam terasa menyenangkan karena diselingi guyonan segar yang menghibur, dibingkai eksotisme suasana sudut Jogja yang lain, serta lukisan alam yang indah di sepanjang jalan; sawah, sungai, jembatan, dan landscape yang jarang ditemui di perkotaan Jogja.

Tujuan pertama, Rumah Makan Seafood Bu Purwo yang terletak di Jalan (entah, saya kok lupa). Katanya seh rumah makan ini terkenal. Tapi kami satu-satunya pelanggan yang masuk ke RM. Suasana sangat sepi, seakan-akan rumah tak berpenghuni. Setelah masuk dan berkali-kali kulo nuwun, si empunya rumah, Bapak dan anak laki-lakinya keluar, tapi dengan ekspresi seolah-olah tidak mau melayani pelanggan. Cukup aneh seh. Rumah yang cukup besar itu terletak di tepi jalan raya, dan di depan sungai besar yang alirannya tenang. Awalnya, kami ingin makan lesehan di luar, di tepi sungai untuk menikmati suasana, tetapi ternyata banyak sekali ayam berkeliaran dan rupanya tidak ramah dengan tamu hari itu.

Kami pun tetap masuk dan duduk di dalam RM. Akhirnya keluarlah si Ibu pemilik ataupun koki RM tersebut. Sosok ibu, berusia sekitar 40-an yang cekatan dan punya inisiatif tinggi. Nampaknya pengalaman mengajarkannya untuk melayani tamu dengan gesit dan efisien. Good job, Ibu! :)) Kami memesan kepiting rebus, udang asam manis, dan ikan cakalang. Sedap sekali. Sambalnya pun seger dan enak. Yang jelas, saya sangat lapar saat itu.

Perjalanan berlanjut. Pemandangan semakin indah saja.  Terbentang ladang dan padang rumput yang menghijau, bau laut semakin terasa, dan angin semakin memberontak kencang. Akhirnya kami memilih lokasi yang strategis untuk parkir. Dan, voila, kami berada di Pantai Congots. (Saya heran, namanya kok tidak menarik dan tidak komersil ya. Hehe.) Yang istimewa dari pantai itu adalah pantainya tak berpengunjung, seolah-olah pantai pribadi, kawasannya bersih, dan ombaknya cukup besar.

Setelah cukup lama bermain-main dengan pasir, aneka pose foto, ditemani debur ombak dan semburat langit, kami meninggalkan pantai seketika matahari mulai tenggelam. Sunset tidak terlalu terlihat di sana. Namun petang tiba mengawal kami meninggalkan pantai. Iniliah beberapa pose andalan kami..

Yoga berjamaah di tepi laut

Grup tari Saman dari Aceh

bersama keponakan baru bermain pesawat2an

Rombongan piknik bareng keluarga besar :)

Bersama kakak pertama, kedua, dan ketiga (di belakang)

Saranghaeyo, bersama saudara kembar

Gemericik hujan menemani sepanjang perjalanan pulang. Kami sampai Jogja di kala dini hari tatkala hujan semakin deras mengguyur kota. Sehari yang panjang, hati senang, perut kenyang.

May**, You may hug me :)

People walked in and walked out through life. Faces, old and new come and fade.

Wheel keep spinning. Clock keep tickling. Sun rises and downs everyday. 

The fact: Life goes on

pic from here

I need huge teddy bear hugs. I wanna give ones to the one. It always feels warming and pleasuring. Realizing the fact that my muscle and blood consume toxic and parasite almost every day, i need a kind of natural healing. For me, smile and hugs is such modest cure.

I breath a soft breeze of goodbye. It's very delicate until I might not realize it. I just accept it because hi and goodbye is just another life phase. However, when I turned around and felt it, my heart said "It is like turnover button. Calm down, baby! - No need to worry about uncertainty." Excuse me. My heart may make a mistake. Uncertainty is the biggest worrisome that kills hope. 

There is a time when I become so sentimental, which mostly I am not, at all.  Since it's depressing to feel the tears for tearing people's dream, I choose to step backward and see what happen next. Withdrawing may be a good decision. We'll see.

A shadow of past romance is a sweet escape. The melody of promises is perfect lullaby in outer space. The figure came in light and said Hi. Once I neglected it in the past. Then, I long for it for a long time.  The lesson I learned : Sincerity is the ultimate treasure. 


Big hugs,

Kiki


** : the 5th month of the year.