(Ya Tuhan kami, anugerahkanlah kami pasangan hidup dan keturunan yang menyejukkan hati kami, dan jadikanlah kami pemimpin orang-orang yang bertaqwa).
Ya Allah, yang selalu saya dambakan dan butuhkan adalah ..
regards, _Kf_
Thank you. I'm honored to be with you today for your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. Truth be told, I never graduated from college and this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first six months but then stayed around as a drop-in for another eighteen months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out? It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife, except that when I popped out, they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking, "We've got an unexpected baby boy. Do you want him?" They said, "Of course." My biological mother found out later that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would go to college.
This was the start in my life. And seventeen years later, I did go to college, but I naïvely chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and no idea of how college was going to help me figure it out, and here I was, spending all the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out, I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me and begin dropping in on the ones that looked far more interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms. I returned Coke bottles for the five-cent deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the seven miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example. Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer was beautifully hand-calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and sans-serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me, and we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts, and since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them.
If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on that calligraphy class and personals computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do.
Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards, so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever--because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky. I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was twenty. We worked hard and in ten years, Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4,000 employees. We'd just released our finest creation, the Macintosh, a year earlier, and I'd just turned thirty, and then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew, we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so, things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge, and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our board of directors sided with him, and so at thirty, I was out, and very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down, that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure and I even thought about running away from the Valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me. I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I'd been rejected but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods in my life. During the next five years I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer-animated feature film, "Toy Story," and is now the most successful animation studio in the world.
In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT and I returned to Apple and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance, and Lorene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful-tasting medicine but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love, and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work, and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it, and like any great relationship it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17 I read a quote that went something like "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important thing I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctors' code for "prepare to die." It means to try and tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next ten years to tell them, in just a few months. It means to make sure that everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope, the doctor started crying, because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and, thankfully, I am fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept. No one wants to die, even people who want to go to Heaven don't want to die to get there, and yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. right now, the new is you. But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it's quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalogue, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stuart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late Sixties, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras. it was sort of like Google in paperback form thirty-five years before Google came along. I was idealistic, overflowing with neat tools and great notions. Stuart and his team put out several issues of the The Whole Earth Catalogue, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-Seventies and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath were the words, "Stay hungry, stay foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. "Stay hungry, stay foolish." And I have always wished that for myself, and now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay hungry, stay foolish.
Thank you all, very much
--------------------------------------------
Hungry and foolish regards, _Kf_
Hari Minggu berjalan dengan tempo melambat. Saya pun masih belum beranjak dari depan laptop ini sejak pagi tadi. Dan baru saya sadari ternyata di luar sana, matahari telah merangkak naik lebih dari sepenggalah dari jarak bumi. Proses di depan laptop ini juga akan saya maknai sebagai proses pencarian diri dan memperkaya horizon pengatahuan-di dunia yang tanpa batas. Setiap penemuan dan persinggahan pada laman-laman dunia maya ini senantiasa membuat saya berdecak, ber-'wow', dan berpikir. Ini adalah kemanfaatan umat yang harus dimanfaatkan secara positif. Saya bersyukur terfasilitas 'keajaiban' ini, sehingga saya harus menjadikannya sebagai kekuatan yang membaikkan, bagi kemajuan dan intelektualitas diri.
Senandung lagu-lagu religi ini setia menemani, dari pagi. Ada getaran yang mendamaikan, yang saya butuhkan sekarang. "Rindu-rindu kalbu memanggil-mangil nama-Mu. Seperti terbang di langit-Mu, tenggelam di lautan cinta-Mu". Lagu itu yang saat ini 'on' dalam playlist Windows Media Players. Saat ini memang saya sedang terkena virus 'rindu'. Rindu akan banyak hal yang tidak mungkin saya sebutkan satu-persatu, karena ada bookmark 'pribadi' yang berhubungan dengan hati. Selain itu ada beberapa kerinduan di hari Minggu ini yang ingin saya share-kan.
Bengkel Hati
Minggu pagi, di rumah, biasanya kami sekeluarga menonton "Bengkel Hati" dan ketika sedang commercial break kami mengganti channel lain, "Curhat Donk". Intinya Minggu pagi, dimulai dengan operasi hati dan intropeksi diri. Acara Bengkel Hati merupakan salah satua acara favorit keluarga. Bahkan Adik berinisiatif mencatat segala indikasi penyakit dan diagnosis, dalam hubungannya dengan penyakit hati dan akhlak yang kita punyai. Selanjutnya, saya, mama, dan adik sering mencatatnya bergantian. Dalam Al-Quran, firman Allah yang mengandung banyak kebenaran telah termaktub bahwa segala penyakit yang kita miliki sebenarnya ada kaitan dengan amalan atau akhlaq yang kita miliki. Itu sudah terbukti.
Dari beberapa catatan yang kami miliki tentang relasi penyakit dengan akhlaq, saya pun mengiyakan-atau sangat mempercayai. Ini dengan catatan bahwa saya tetap yakin bahwa pendekatan saintifik dan akademis tetap memberikan sumbangsih nyata bagi dunia kesehatan. Namun, saya juga percaya bahwa di atas segalanya, kesehatan (lahir dan batin) kita ditentukan oleh Sang Pemberi Obat. Biasanya pendekatan dengan cara 'bengkel hati' ini dilakukan dengan cara. Pertama, mengakui bahwa selama ini kita mempunyai akhlaq sedemikian rupa. Kedua, kita harus memohon ampun, ber-istighfar, dan berdoa memohon kepada Allah bahwa jika penyakit yang kita hadapi memang dikarenakan kesalahan akhlak, maka ampunilah dosa kami, dan sembuhkanlah penyakit kami. Ketiga, memperbaiki akhlaq dan memperbanyak sholat Tahajud.
Saya sendiri pernah mengalami pengalaman berkaitan dengan ini. Suatu saat saya mengalami nyeri lutut. Saya sempat bingung juga mengapa tiba-tiba saya merasa seperti orang tua. Bahkan untuk sujud dan berdiri dari duduk ketika sholat pun terasa sangat nyeri. Terlebih juga ketika naik-turun tangga. Kemudian ketika pulang ke rumah, saya menceritakan ini dan mencoba melihat catatan 'bengkel hati' tersebut. Yang saya dapati kemudian, saya merasa 'tertohok' karena indikasi yang tertulis dalam buku tersebut, diiyakan oleh keluarga. Saya pun menyadari akhalq saya itu. Di situ tertulis bahwa nyeri di lutut --> jika mempunyai keinginan yang kuat, harus segela terrealisir. Istilah dalam bahasa Jawanya, 'sak deq sak nyet'. Keinginan (nafsu) tersebut harus segera diwujudkan. Menyadari hal itu, saya mulai mencoba menahan diri agar tidak terlalu mempunyai banyak keinginan dan berambisi untuk segera mendapatkannya. Tentunya, setelah itu saya beristighfar dan memohon ampun. Alhamdulillah sampai saat ini semoga nyeri itu menghilang selamanya.
Minggu pagi yang saya rindukan kemudian adalah sarapan bersama keluarga di luar. Yang spesial juga di hari Minggu adalah kami biasanya sarapan pagi di warung nasi pecel langganan keluarga. Cita rasa pecel khas Blitar yang saya 'menggigit' dan mantaph. Ditambah teh anget manis yang melegakan dan menghangatkan tenggorokan kami. Kemudian sesampainya di rumah, meminum susu kedelai hangat langganan kami juga.
Adikku, Da'i-Ku
Itu pula yang saya rindukan di hari Minggu ini. Cerita tentang ini akan saya tulis di posting selanjutnya. Semoga adik saya tidak dibuat ge-er karenanya.
Salam bengkel hati, salam Minggu penuh berkah, -KF-
Setelah satu urusan selesai, bersegaralah mengerjakan urusan yang lain. Satu demi satu, hingga selesai semuanya. Itu hukum alam (sunatullah). Sekembali ke kamar kos yang melenakan, aku ingat janjiku kepada temanku yang seang butuh pertolongan. Saat itu aku merasa sangat 'hectic' dan tak berdaya untuk membagi waktu. Tetapi kemudian aku sadar, kepuasan setelah menolong orang lain, menyempatkan waktu untuk meringankan beban orang lain, akan memberikan kemenangan hati yang luar biasa. Dan, alhamdulillah selesai jualah urusan men'translete'-kan artikel temanku ke dalam bahasa Inggris.
Siangnya, aku ke KUI. Selalu ada 'spirit' baru, walaupun kadang produktivitas diri menjadi permasalahan lain. Kalau itu, tergantung situasi dan kinerja diri. Tidak terasa, badan ini lemas dan perutku melapar dengan sangat karena belum makan seharian. Akhirnya aku mengajak teman-teman untuk melakukan ritual 'nge-ttack' yang sangat sakral bagi KUI-ers. Namun apa yang terjadi di luar sana? Di luar Kantor Urusan Internasional? Rupanya, hujan deras mengguyur kawasan Bulaksumur, dan sekitarnya. Langit menangis sekencang-kencangnya seakan hendak memrotes sesuatu. Kami tidak mengompromikan keadaan. Walau badai menghadang, urusan perut tetap menjadi pilihan, tidak bisa dinegosiasikan. Kami pun nekat menerjang segala rintangan alam, hujan, petir, badai. (Ehmm, agak lebay ini)
Hujan yang kami lihat, bukan hanya kamuflase. Hujan yang kami rasakan sungguh dahsyat. Banjir bahkan menggenangi hampir sebagian besar kawasan UGM, mulai dari jalan depan FEB-FIB, sampai depan GSP. Tapi tak apalah toh baju dan sepatuku sudah lumayan basah semua. Pikirku, aku bisa dengan segera mempercepat laju motorku. Dengan gas yang agak aku paksakan, tak kuduga motorku seakan tertahan. Tak ada daya untuk melaju lagi. Dan STOP. Berhenti. Tepat di tengah bunderan UGM, ketika aku hendak berbelok ke arah GMC dan KOPMA. Wow. That's GREAT. I just realized that I run out my fuel. ( Kiki, oh Kiki. Kiki memang tetaplah Kiki. Kapan kamu dewasa, Nak? Bahkan untuk mengisi bensin pun kamu tidak awas. Lebih telitilah kepada kehidupan di sekitarmu!)Okelah kalau begitu, aku harus mendorong motor. Dalam kondisi basah kuyup. Hujan-hujanan. Masih bersyukur aku ditemani seorang teman. Masih bersyukur aku memakai jas hujan. Dan kembali lagi, ada teman yang bisa diandalkan untuk menolong. Teman yang sama dengan kasus yang sama. Sebelumnya temanku ini juga menolongku ketika waktu itu motorku macet, karena diantaranya bensinnya habis (selain harus diganti aki, oli, dan pemantik mesinnya). Oh memang waktu itu motorku sedang agak 'cerewet' dan membutuhkan 'treatment' di salon motor.
Malamnya..
Hari itu aku berjanji untuk memberikan lembaran wasiat (baca: daftar perusahaan2 yang potensial untuk kerjasama sponsorship). Karena sore itu hujan ternyata sebegitu derasnya, temanku memberitahukan bahwa malam ini saja dia akan mampir ke kosku. Baiklah, akhirnya jam 7 malam dia di sudah di depan kos. Aku mempersilahkannya masuk dan duduk di depan kosku yang sempit. Di teras kosku yang lebih tepat disebut sebagai tempat parkir atau mungkin toko motor. Kami mengobrol, terutama tentang persiapannya menuju Eropa, Belanda, tepatnya.
Banyak kejutan yang aku dapatkan. Terutama, cerita tentang akhirnya dia akan mengajak Ibunya ke Belanda. Wah, ibu mana yang tidak akan bahagia dan bangga anaknya menawarkan perjalanan ke Eropa bersama, terlebih di hari-hari bertepatan dengan ulang tahun sang Ibu. Wah, sungguh terharu bahagia mendengar berita terbaru itu. Dia juga bercerita banyak hal, dan tak bosan aku mendengarkan, sekaligus belajar banyak hal. Dia mengatakan bahwa sebelumnya sudah akan mem-booking Qatar Airlines, namun suatu kebetulan ketika itu ada pameran tiket pesawat, dan Garuda sedang promo untuk penerbangan perdana ke Eropa dengan strategi 'beli 1 tiket, bonus 1" Dan akhirnya, karena itulah dia memutuskan untuk membeli tiket Garuda, dengan bonus trip Eropa bersama Ibu tercinta.
Wah, ceritanya selalu menginspirasi. Kapan yaa, aku mengajak orang tuaku melancong ke luar negeri. Ya Allah, Engkaulah Sang Pemberi Keajaiban! Engkau Jualah Sang Pembuka Jawaban! dan Juga Pemberi Harapan Terbesar dalam hidup. Semoga tiba saatnya nanti aku juga membahagiakan orangtuaku dengan cara demikian. Akhirnya pembicaraan terus berlanjur ke 'Food Fest' karena memang kami berdua belum makan. Banyak hal yang di-sharing kan, pembicaraan tentang aktvitas dan pergaulan di kampus, cerita masa kecil, pengalaman AFS, beberapa kasus pribadi yang berjanji akan kujaga kerahasiaannya, sampai urusan bisnis dan kiat-kiat suksesnya. Wah, kadang aku sempat berpikir. Oh God! Temanku ini masih mahasiswa, seumuranku. Namun pengalamannya bergaul, beinteraksi, berkoneksi dan bersilaturahmi dengan berbagai kalangan sungguh sangat langka.
Kemudian, setelah kami kenyang, dia terlihat lelah dan mengantuk. Rupanya lima hari ini dia tidur cuma 3 sampai 4 jam, karena harus membagi waktu antara ujian di kuliah dan urusan dengan 'klien'. Better to go home soon, I think. Apalagi pagi hari keesokan, dia harus mengejar rizki dan menyambung tali silaturahmi di Sragen. Sungguh non-stop productivity.
Ketika aku merefleksikan ke diri. Ini memotivasiku untuk lebih berusaha lagi, bekerja keras, dan ulet dalam berjuang. Ya Allah, kapan aku memiliki kualitas diri seperti itu. Terimakasih sobat telah mau membagi waktumu yang mahal harganya. Kapanpun butuh teman bercerita, aku akan dengan seksama mendengar, untuk belajar dan agar bisa 'berpijar', lebih terang lagi.
Sungguh Jumat hari yang lengkap. Melengkapiku dengan berbagai cerita yang kubingkai dengan semangat motivasi diri untuk berjuang lebih baik lagi. Terimakasih kepada teman-temanku yang mengisi salah satu Jumatku di bulan April ini. Mari kita terus berjuaaaaang!
Salam penuh pengharapan, -KF-
Then, I started thingking that the list above are ALL 'BOUT MYSELF. Does that means that I am too egoistic. Then I come to my 'klise' question: When I stop to think about myself// When I come to the point that I am enough with myself// Is that possible?
Uncertain regards, -KF-
Sayang sekali, semakin ke sini aku semakin menjauh pada seni yang aku gemari. Aku akan sangat mendamba jika waktunya tiba kembali untuk berpuisi lagi. Kapan itu, aku belum tahu.
Salam cinta puisi dan sastra Indonesia, -KF-
She was no one. I haven't known her name. I dont know her personally. But when she said and adviced those words, it sounds so powerful. Even, I almost never heard that kind of advice in such a long time. Neither, my parents. They seldom advice me that way.
I almost never heard that advice since I graduated from high school. I dont know why? Maybe when I am in university. Most people, especially my parents think that I am adult enough to think about what I need, including the need of studying.
I dont know whether her advice is a caring or a warning. Why warning? It's so possible because she was actually from the foundation that has been giving me scholarship. Her saying to me was still echoing in my ear. I dont care whether it is a warning or a caring. The most important now is realizing her advice. No matter what.
"Aku harus rajin belajar. Aku harus rajin belajar. Aku harus rajin belajar!"
Diligent regards, -KF-
"Indonesia serves as a useful metaphor for the world beyond our borders- a world in which globalization and secterianism, poverty and plenty, modernity and antiquity constantly collide" - Barack Obama, The Audacity of Hope, 2006 -
"My friend, younger than me, just married a few days ago. She will be
holding her wedding celebration this week. I will come for sure.
Some friends of mine already got married.
Many people decided to married on these months.
I read blog about young couple's marriage."Those all made me over-thinking about 'marriage'^^ Haha. And all of sudden I remembered my high-school's dream. Yes, I want to get married on young age. Hahaha. So silly if I remembered that.
I understand that marriage isn't as easy as folding back our hands. We need to learn much and of course be fully-ready to that next stage of our-life.
Marriage dominated my brain tonight rather than my exam preparation.
Haha. Marriage. When? Where? With whom?
All are still m y s t e r yRegards, -KF-
** : There is no assignments yet. But surely I have to catch up my left-behind classes. I have to; coppying my friend's note, finding the reading brick, and more important: start reading and understanding. This rule also applied for all my classes.
Please wish me luck and pray the best for me.
Regards - KF-